The positive psychology skill that helps you feel better
Most evenings, the sunset comes straight through my bedroom window. The room turns orange, and the light lands on my face. But when someone asks me about a beautiful sunset, I describe the one I saw at the beach last summer.
It’s not that the beach sunset was better. On vacation, I stopped and watched it. At home, I’m usually scrolling on my phone, finishing work, or thinking about tomorrow. The view is the same, but my attention isn’t.
Maybe you have your own version of this sunset.
It’s called “savouring”
Psychologists Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff found that how much you enjoy something depends partly on what happens to you, and partly on how you pay attention to it. They called this savouring. Two people can have the same good day and walk away with very different memories of it. The good news is that savouring is a skill, not a personality trait. You can get better at it with practice.
Before, during and after the sunset; one can savour across three time frames.
Before: Looking forward to something good, like a trip home or dinner with a friend. Some of the joy comes before it even happens.
During: Being fully present while it’s happening. Tasting your food, noticing the evening light, really listening on a call with someone you love.
After: Looking back on good memories, like old photos or a favourite family story.
We’re experts at stretching the bad moments. A hurtful comment gets replayed in the shower, in traffic, and again at 2 am. Ten seconds can stretch into days. The good moments, we rush past. The first sip of chai, a hug at the airport, a joke that makes everyone laugh; they’re over in seconds, and you’re on to the next thing.
You also get used to good things quickly. The new phone, the bigger flat, the view from your window all start to feel ordinary. Nothing changed. You just stopped noticing.
Savouring asks you to do with the good what you already do with the bad: stay with it. Then stretch it afterwards. Tell someone, replay it before bed, journal about it. If a bad moment can stay with you all week, a good one can at least stay with you all evening.
And savouring doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. You can be stressed about work and still enjoy your evening chai. You can be grieving and still laugh with a friend. Both can be true. In fact, savouring often matters most in hard times. It doesn’t replace the painful feelings. It just makes sure the good ones don’t go unnoticed too.
6 ways to savour your everyday sunsets
Share it. When your sister sends a photo of your parents laughing at dinner, reply with more than a heart emoji. Tell a friend about the promotion you got. Telling someone about a good moment makes it last longer.
Remember it. When something good is happening, pause and tell yourself, “I want to remember this.” Notice the details, the sound, the space, the smell…
Feel it. Eat the first few bites of your meal without your phone. Walk a few mins without your earphones. A minute or two is enough.
Revisit it. Scroll through your old photos once in a while, like Diwali at your grandparents’ home or a college trip. Even better, share the memory with someone who was there.
Look forward to it. If you’re planning a trip home, think about the first meal you’ll eat or the first person you’ll hug at the airport. Even Sunday breakfast with friends can lift your week if you let yourself look forward to it.
Catch the killjoy. Notice thoughts like “This won’t last” or “I should be working.” You don’t have to fight them. Just name them (“there’s the killjoy again”) and come back to the moment. It doesn’t have to be perfect or permanent for you to enjoy it.
Tonight, if you can, watch your sunset.
